Chapter 1: My Life, Split Down the Middle

So, I ended up with this superpower called "Fifty-Fifty Split."

It sounds like one of those weird powers you’d stumble across on a late-night Reddit thread, right? But trust me, it’s as real as my cat being a jerk at 3 a.m. Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve wished for something flashier, but hey—life never gives you the menu you ordered.

When the honor roll kid challenged me, I tied for first place. And when the school tough guy picked a fight—well, I became a legend. Then a rich kid tried to show off, and I struck it rich on the spot.

Looking back, those moments felt almost cinematic—like the universe was testing just how far I’d push my luck. But, man, nothing prepared me for what happened next.

Then, an alien fleet invaded Earth.

Yeah, you heard me right.

The alien commander was stunned: "No way, man, wait, how do you have a planet-buster cannon too?!"

For a second, I swear his jaw hit his chest plate. The dude looked like he’d seen a ghost—except the ghost was me, and I was holding a cannon that could blow up a planet. Wild times.

That night, I dreamed of an old man with a white beard who asked what superpower I wanted most.

He had that whole Santa-meets-Gandalf vibe, twinkling eyes and all, but I wasn’t buying it. Yeah, right. I rolled my eyes and said, "Superpowers? Please. I grew out of my superhero phase years ago. Now, all I want is to be a regular guy, live a simple life. That’s real happiness."

He just chuckled, like he’d heard that one a thousand times, and gave me a knowing nod. I didn’t think anything of it—just another weird dream, right?

As soon as I finished, a mechanical voice echoed in my ear:

[Ding! Congrats, you’ve unlocked the superpower: Fifty-Fifty Split.]

What the heck?

I groggily opened my eyes and saw a few lines floating in front of me:

[Activate your superpower to force a fifty-fifty split with any opponent.]

[Wishing you success in achieving your wish to be an ordinary, average person!]

I groaned and kicked my legs under the blanket.

Man, talk about instant karma. Why did I have to play it cool in my own dream? Now I was stuck with some weird cosmic joke of a power.

Wait, you’re actually giving me a superpower?

If I’d known this was for real, I’d have picked something flashy and overpowered!

I mean, even teleportation would be great—at least I could DoorDash or something, you know?

I started picturing myself zipping around town, dropping off orders, racking up five-star reviews. Too bad.

"Meow!"

My cat woke up from the noise. She stumbled over and cocked her head at me.

Pumpkin, my orange tabby, had that look like, "You good, or do I need to call someone?" Classic Pumpkin.

An idea popped into my head—I tried activating my superpower.

[Ding! You and Pumpkin are now fifty-fifty!]

Suddenly, I felt incredibly light.

It felt like all the sleepiness and regret just melted away. My limbs felt springy, my vision sharpened, and I could practically smell the dust motes in the sunlight.

I sprang up, did a double backflip right there on the carpet, leaving Pumpkin totally stunned.

She froze, tail puffed up, eyes like saucers. If she could talk, I’m pretty sure she’d be saying, "Bro, what?"

While the cat was distracted, I went in for a big bear hug.

Pumpkin got mad and countered with a flurry of cat punches.

Those little paws were a blur—she boxed like a featherweight champ. For a second, I felt like I was in one of those viral cat videos, except I was the other cat. Was I really about to wrestle my cat? This is what my life has come to.

With my superpower boosting me, it was like I’d entered bullet time—my reflexes shot up to match Pumpkin’s.

I could see every twitch of her whiskers, every flick of her tail. I dodged left, she jabbed right. For once, I was actually keeping up with her chaos.

"Meow meow meow meow!"

Pumpkin and I were dead even, locked in a fierce, never-ending brawl.

It was a standoff for the ages—man versus feline, no clear winner in sight. My heart was pounding, but honestly, I was having a blast.

I thought cats ran out of gas way faster than humans. Pretty soon, I was panting and exhausted.

Turns out, being fifty-fifty with a cat means you run out of gas just as fast. I was sweating buckets, Pumpkin was flopped on her side, both of us breathing hard.

I quickly deactivated my power and nudged Pumpkin aside.

She gave me a look like, "Next time, you’re on your own." Fair enough, Pumpkin.

I flopped back on my bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to process everything.

So the superpower was real. But what could it actually do?

I started running scenarios in my head. Could I ace every test? Win every game? Or am I just doomed to tie forever? Who knows.