Chapter 4: Sleeping with Regret

I sat at the table, propping my chin, lamenting my miserable fate.

A five-year memory gap.

How is this any different from losing five years of my life?

I still have to clean up my future self’s mess, chasing my husband back from the brink.

Blake, who’d become a CEO, was also moody, flipping his attitude faster than flipping a page.

I sighed.

Aunt Linda hesitantly asked, “Miss, are you still planning to bring up divorce with Mr. Blake tonight?”

I froze.

“You thought I wanted to talk to him about divorce tonight?”

“No… wasn’t it?” Aunt Linda muttered in confusion. “For the past year, you’ve been determined to divorce him. Every time you saw him, you either tried to get him to sign or tried to persuade him to let go.”

I recalled Blake’s sour expression just now.

So—

He instantly changed his face, insisting he was busy tonight, just to avoid hearing me bring up divorce again?

This fool.

I shook my head, running my finger along the edge of the table—this was real wood, probably walnut, expensive, American-made. It struck me, painfully, how much had changed in five years, but not the way the world could make even the strongest person feel small and helpless.

Blake worked in the study until late at night.

I was drowsy from waiting when I heard footsteps outside the door.

Stepping through the dim night.

Stopping outside the door.

Sleepiness instantly vanished.

I hugged my pillow and got out of bed.

Opened the door.

Met Blake’s fragile and bewildered gaze.

He froze, slowly putting away the unlit cigarette between his fingers.

“Blake.”

I called him softly.

He looked at me with a complicated expression, pressed his brow with a dark face.

“I’m really tired.”

He paused. “Whatever it is, talk tomorrow.”

Then he tried to leave again.

I gritted my teeth and caught up, one hand holding the pillow, the other grabbing his arm.

Blake stiffened.

I looked up at him. “I don’t want to sleep alone, I’m scared.”

He turned his head away.

Rejected me again.

“I have work tonight, really tired.”

“I won’t do anything,” I promised sincerely. “I’ll just sleep beside you, I won’t do anything. I won’t bother you.”

Blake didn’t speak.

But his Adam’s apple moved quietly.

“Whatever you want.”

I happily followed him into his room, hugging my pillow.

Such a bland room.

He was a CEO now, but aside from a bed and a wardrobe, there was nothing else in the room.

Hmm.

There was also an old photo of me by the bedside.

I wanted to take a closer look, but Blake was quick, stuffing it under the pillow.

“Been having nightmares lately. Photo by the bed to keep the bad dreams away.”

Stubborn, still stubborn.

Blake lay down with his back to me, acting like he was ignoring me.

I hesitated.

I just hugged his waist and snuggled up.

But the next second, he shook off my hand.

Blake turned over, his face in the moonlight, looking sad.

“Rachel. Are you trying to seduce me again, then sneak another woman into my bed?”

He closed his eyes, suppressing his turbulent emotions.

“After all this trouble, is it just so you can leave me and go find that guy?”

I was completely stunned.

My chest ached, and I suddenly felt sorry for Blake.

What on earth did I do to him in these five years?

I didn’t know how to explain, so I carefully tried to hold his hand. “Blake, can you trust me? I don’t want a divorce. We already have a baby, from now on, let’s live well together as a family, okay?”

But my words seemed to completely hit Blake’s sore spot.

He pushed me away, trembling.

His eyes were so full of sadness they could hardly contain it.

“Rachel, do you still want to use this child to humiliate me?”

Humiliate?

I suddenly remembered Aunt Linda’s hesitation, a bad feeling rising in my heart.

God help me.

Could this child not be Blake’s either?

The silence between us was dense and raw, broken only by the whir of the old box fan in the corner. I felt like I was suffocating on regret and confusion.

I was so shocked I could hardly speak.

Blake didn’t look at me again.

He picked up the bedding and got up, apparently planning to sleep in another room.

“Blake.”

I gritted my teeth. “I have something to tell you. You might think it’s a little ridiculous… I’m from five years ago, just last night I was with you in your rented place, that night… you were a real jerk, seven times. Of course, that’s not the point, but when I woke up, I found myself five years later.”

I licked my lips, and under Blake’s almost dumbfounded gaze, finished the last sentence guiltily.

“The one who cheated was my future self. I like you.”

Dead silence.

Blake was silent until his anger could no longer be contained.

“Rachel.”

“Yeah,” I quickly responded, “I’m listening.”

He curled his lips. “So, the one who cheated was your future self, not you, the one from five years ago who just slept with me in the rented place?”

I nodded hard. “Right.”

As long as he’d believe me.

But Blake suddenly laughed.

There was sarcasm in his laughter.

“Do I look like an idiot to you?”

Blake pried my fingers off his sleeve, took the quilt and left. “Go to bed early.”

He closed the door very gently. But it was deafening. I flinched at the sound, like a kid caught in a lie. The room felt colder without him.

I sat dejectedly on the bed, thinking, well, that’s fair.

If it were reversed—

If Blake had cheated multiple times, then came to me and said it was his future self who cheated, and he was from the past, wanting to live well with me—

I’d probably slap him twice first.

Treating me like a fool?

The moonlight cut across the room in sharp white stripes, and I listened to the far-off sound of a freight train. Sometimes you don’t realize just how much damage you’ve done until you see it through someone else’s eyes.