Chapter 3: Guilt for Night, Secrets for Day

That day, I reach house very late.

As I park for downstairs, I see Morayo, wear sweater, dey stand for rain, dey look around.

As she see me, she breathe out, then waka come meet me, dey smile.

"Seyi. If you no show now now, you for come meet wife wey don turn statue for cold."

I get plenty places to go, so she no dey ask me where I dey. She remove her scarf, put am for my neck, dey smile. "Since you come back safe for rain, I no go mind say you no pick my call."

That night, the cold hide my stiff face and awkward move.

I just lie say I tired from traffic. She help me keep food, make hot water for bath. As I dey bathe, I dey look mirror, dey ask myself, Seyi, wetin you dey do so?

……

I quick adapt to this new style for my life.

Halima get time, I too dey waka for work, so I no dey office steady.

We get plenty time and place to meet.

Even after all, Halima still dey keep her pride—or maybe she sabi say na that pride dey make me want her.

E dey remind me of old days.

Sometimes, she go cross leg for chair, dey read book, dey do like say my presence no move am. But if I touch her hand, she go look me from eye corner. That stubborn eye dey always trip me.

Musa na my guy, he sef be our classmate that time.

He no understand.

"Halima before fine, but now she no reach your wife level."

He no get am.

As dem dey talk: person dey always dey chase wetin e no fit get when e small.

Halima na that one I no fit get.

Now, she dey under me.

Anytime we dey together, e dey sweet me die.

She no dey collect my money, say e dey shame her.

So I find way help her.

Like connect friends to buy insurance from her.

Or recharge shop credit with her number.

Or dash her client gift.

Anything at all.

Halima presence dey show say my life don better, I dey enjoy.

Me and Morayo fit each other well—loving couple, family dey set. She dey happy easy, no too get wahala. With her, I dey relax, sure, get energy. Plus, I promise her mama before she die say I go love her, treat her well for life.

I think say I dey try these years.

As for whether my wahala go pain her?

I don reason am. She go only feel pain if she find out. Na that time e go really hurt. But if she no ever know? Nothing go change at all. Instead, because I dey feel guilty, I dey treat her even better, buy her things, show her love. And na so e be.

Me and Morayo, our own dey even better now—at least for her eye. Sometimes, I dey fear say God go soon catch me. But for now, na only me and my conscience dey fight. I go give her surprise birthday, carry her travel Lekki beach, do things wey go make her smile. For outside, we be perfect couple. Inside, na two world I dey run.

4

Every year for my birthday, Morayo go take off work just for me.

She go waka go seafood market wey far, buy the freshest things. She go wash, cut, cook, fry—busy the whole day, just to prepare better food for me.

And me, I go close early, rush house, help her do work, gist, chop together.

But this year, Halima call me.

She ask, "I fit celebrate your birthday with you?"

I pause two seconds, then agree.

For past six months, Halima really keep her word—no dey demand anything. After every time we meet, she dey check well make sure everywhere clean.

I reason say maybe she dey lonely.

E no too bad.

I dey with Morayo everyday. We get plenty days, plenty birthdays. To miss one no go kill.

I call Morayo, tell her say I get dinner with city people that night, so I go late.

As she dey fry, she ask, "Hmm, what time you go reach?"

I talk, "Around seven."

"Okay."

I think say seven go make sense.

But as I enter Halima house that day, she just kiss me—hot and hungry.

She don send Sadiq go friend house, wear thin, tempting dress.

She wild, no dey hold back.

For bed, she just dey try all way, again and again.

Before I know, I black out, wake up check phone.

E don reach eleven.

I panic, rush wear cloth.

Halima jump hold me, bite my shoulder small, her eyes red, whisper, "Na my fault. I no suppose keep you like this today."

As I see her like that, guilt just catch me again.

I wear cloth, pet her, "Soon, I go carry you travel for some days. Then we go dey like real couple. You fit call me husband, anything you like."

She smile with tears. "Sweet mouth."

The way her eyes shine, I know say the word sweet her. But the same time, I dey feel one kain emptiness. I just hug her head small, rub her back, then rush out.

As I rush reach house, I think say Morayo go don sleep.

She dey always sleep eleven, wake seven, e no dey change.

But as I enter, I see her sleep for dining table.

Table full with food, flower, birthday cake.

The room dey quiet, small candle still dey burn for cake side. I stand for door, dey look her soft face, the way her hand fold for table. My heart pinch me small.

I check myself for mirror, make sure say I dey alright, then I waka go wake her small.

Morayo look me, her eyes dey sleepy.

After some seconds, she smile.

"Honey, happy birthday."

I squeeze mouth. "Why you sleep here?"

She yawn. "You say you go reach by seven, so I wan wait for you for your birthday. But as you dey with city people, I no wan disturb you. I no know say I go sleep here."

"You never chop?" I surprise.

"I taste food as I dey cook, so I no too hungry," she talk, dey smile.

Her voice dey calm, but I fit see say her eye red small. Maybe she cry, maybe na just sleep. I look the table—she set my best wine, even put extra pepper in stew, just the way I like am.

As I look her, anger just dey rise for me. I vex, "You dey craze? If I never come back by now, you no reason say I don chop outside? Why you no chop first?"

Morayo shock, then after few seconds, she talk soft,

"Wetin happen?"

I quick realise. "Sorry, I no suppose shout. Na stress dey do me. I go sleep."

I rush enter bedroom.

For bed, that wahala still dey my mind. Then I hear sound—she enter, come hug me from back.

"Honey, sorry. I know say you dey worry make I no hungry. I promise, next time I go chop. Your day bad? Make I help you relax?"

Na our small rule be that. If one person dey vex or get bad day, the other go try show love, small comfort for husband and wife.

I know say I no suppose vex, so I try relax.

But maybe because of Halima, today, I no just feel am.

The more I try, the more I vex, e no just work.

I talk small, "Leave am for today."

Morayo think say I still dey vex, she tickle me, dey smile.

I vex, bark, "Abeg, rest. You no fit get small self-respect?"

Morayo hand just stop.

For the dark room, she just dey look me, eyes wide.

My hand stiff, shame dey tie me like old wrapper for village.

5

Morayo vex.

She waka go work next morning, no talk anything.

For my mind, she no dey vex like that.

Six years ago, we meet for church youth event. Her calm, gentle way for stage catch my eye.

I begin chase her well.

The more I know her, the more I see better things.

She and her mama dey alone. Even with tough life, she dey take care of herself.

She dey happy, open, no dey carry things for mind, she dey manage.

Most times, she dey happy.

Life wahala, for her eye, na just "the small monster you suppose beat before you level up."

She twist ankle? She go talk, "Na God dey tell me make I rest. I gats listen."

Her bag thief? She go laugh, "At least I get reason buy new one."

Me, I grow for house wey tight. Even after I begin make money, I still dey tense.

But after I meet her, I learn to relax.

Learn to look flower, watch cloud dey waka.

Learn to accept myself.

I buy big flower, go pick her from work, make her colleagues dey laugh.

She see me, waka come, squeeze mouth, no talk.

I slap myself. "Na my mouth cause am. I deserve am. Wife, you wan beat me too?"

She no move.

I kneel, she rush pull me up.

She laugh. "Okay, I forgive you this time."

I smile. "I know say you no fit really vex."

She pause, look me well, say, "Honey, just this once. No do am again."

I nod like chicken, she smile again.

Everything just settle.

After small time, city rain heavy, cold too much, my throat wahala start again.

Morayo happy say she get appointment with old herbal doctor, wey sabi treat throat wahala. She say she go collect medicine next day.

She say the place far, ask if I fit drive her.

I pause.

Halima pikin, Sadiq, twist leg for rain. With the weather, I dey drive them go and come school.

My mind dey calculate how I go arrange everything, but I just dey look ground. As husband, I suppose put wife first, but na so temptation dey drag leg.

"If you busy, no wahala. I go take keke," Morayo talk.

I nod. "Okay, I get important meeting tomorrow. I go busy."

Next day.

I pick Halima and Sadiq. She say she wan go private clinic for treatment.

Rain dey fall again.

I drive reach clinic, see long queue for small house.

As I park, wan come down, I see Morayo for end of queue.

She wear sweater, neck shrink, dey blow her hand, small rain don soak her—she don dey there since.

Halima shock, whisper, "Why she dey here?"

I frown, look back.

The road small—I no fit turn go quick.

"No come down yet." I think. "If you open or close door, she go see my car. Wait till she enter inside."

Halima bite lip, quiet.

After some time, she talk low.

"Na just my pikin I dey bring see doctor, why e come be like say we dey hide?"

I no answer. I just sit for warm car, dey look Morayo dey shake for cold.

She dey fear cold well.

She still get like forty minutes to wait.

After thirty minutes, Halima no fit hold again, talk.

"If we wait more, we go miss our turn."

She open door, carry Sadiq, come down.

Bang.

Door close.

Morayo just turn look.

Her eyes first see Halima, then slow slow look my car.

Her face, red from cold, small confusion show. One agbero dey shout for junction, but for that moment, everywhere just quiet between us.

And then, through the glass, me and her—

just dey look each other, no talk.

My hand stiff for steering. I for wan vanish, but na so my secret and her cold dey hang for air. That moment long reach eternity, I no even dey sure say I breathe. For inside my chest, na only God know the weight wey dey press me.