Chapter 5: Paywalls for Love

My relationship with Lillian grew warmer by the day. Being with her made me happy in a way I’d never felt before. The only thing was, Lillian was old-fashioned—even if it was just the two of us, she’d only let me hold her hand. She said she wanted to save the most beautiful moment for marriage, so I could marry a ‘whole’ wife. It was both frustrating and sweet.

It had a kind of old-school charm—like something out of a Hallmark movie, only real and mine.

When I was feeling stifled, I’d find myself watching Natalie again. She didn’t have many clients, but they came in all shapes: old men with white hair, young guys even younger than me. Always three hundred bucks, cash only. That thin man came often, and Natalie was always soft with him. Honestly, her income beat my grind, and I felt jealous and a little contemptuous.

Another month went by, and Lillian finally let me kiss her. She was nervous, eyes squeezed shut. She told me, solemnly, that she’d marry no one but me.

I was thrilled. I never thought someone like me could get a girlfriend, let alone have a cute girl say she wanted to marry me.

Then she said she’d told her family about us. Her parents were farmers, quiet folks, and her brother would handle the marriage. I promised to treat her well and live a good life together.

She kissed me first and hugged me a long time that night.

Two days later, her brother called, and she handed the phone to me. He said he supported us, as long as I treated Lillian right. The only catch: her family wanted a cash gift—eighteen grand—before we could get engaged. They said it was just tradition, that we’d get it back after the wedding, but it felt like a paywall for love.

I sat there, phone pressed to my ear, the number rattling around my head. Eighteen grand—that was more than my car, more than I’d ever had. Lillian saw my embarrassment and told me the county standard was twenty-eight, so her brother had already cut it by ten thousand. She said the money would come back to us as start-up funds for our new family.

Eighteen thousand eight hundred dollars—not a fortune, but I didn’t have it. My parents were in poor health, no savings at home.

I went back to my apartment, lost, and sat at my computer for a long time. It was winter, and the radiator rattled uselessly. I bundled up in my hoodie and stared at my inbox, waiting for answers that never came.

A soft door closed across the hall. Annoyed, I leaned to the hole and heard Natalie say, “How long’s it been since you came? Did you forget me?”

“Business had problems. I came as soon as I could. No other men came to you, right?” the man asked.

Natalie slapped him, pushing him away. “In your heart, I’m still a hooker, huh? Get out. Never come back.”

“No, that’s not what I meant.” He rushed up and hugged her. “I love you too much. I don’t care about your past. Honestly, I feel unworthy. I just want to be with you forever.”

Natalie softened and hugged him. He kissed her, tore off her clothes, and they fell into their usual rhythm.

I thought of Hank downstairs flipping burgers while his beloved wife was upstairs in someone else’s arms. The feeling was complicated—a hollow ache that reminded me how tangled and desperate life could get.

Soon, they calmed down. Natalie leaned in his arms like a little girl.

“What happened with your business?”

“I want to start my own thing. There’s a great opportunity—guaranteed to make a killing. But... I’m short on funds.”

“How much?”

“At least twenty grand. The more, the better.”

“I’ll give it to you.”