Chapter 2: New House, New Wahala

Before Chidi turn big man with money, he be just one broke guy hustling for Ajegunle, dey try provide for family, with one wahala wife wey dey give am headache everyday.

That time, Chidi dey struggle. Every morning, he wake before cock crow, carry tool box, waka go mechanic shop. All na to put food for table. The only problem be say, na woman like me, with my drama and pepper body, dey his house.

And na me waka enter that wife body by force.

I no plan am, but life no dey send warning before e show you shege. Na so I find myself inside this woman body—full package: her face, her voice, her wahala.

Some days back, the original me catch dey follow fine boy, come shame, vex, and chase Chidi comot for house.

Na serious gbege that day. Rain dey fall, thunder dey shout, but na so I use my mouth pursue am. Neighbours poke nose from window, children dey giggle for compound. My body hot with vex and small shame, but I no send anybody.

Surprisingly, next day na Chidi come back to beg.

Who born am? I shock, because Chidi no be beg-beg type. He show for gate with nylon of suya and one small bottle malt. If na film, na there soundtrack for start.

Right now, story suppose reach the point wey I go start my own drama: demand say Chidi must change house for me sharp sharp, else I go threaten am with divorce.

I sabi the script—na here wife go raise voice, stamp leg, do shakara, dey mention divorce like pure water.

At this point, Chidi just buy better phone for me and him pocket don dry finish.

He even try, buy me new phone—one small Tecno wey battery strong pass NEPA. But as he hand am over, I see say him face don dull. E mean say, money don finish. Na man with sense dey give last card to wife.

I reason am. I look the small phone for hand, see as him dey hold change for pocket. I talk inside my mind: make I no too dey do, e get as e be. But wahala dey sweet me, and I no fit dull the show.

As I dey reason, for the dark, wet basement, one cockroach just fly come my side.

E be like film. The place cold, cement floor never dry well. Next thing, I see this cockroach, e waka dey come my direction like say e get beef.

On reflex, I grab anything from table throw am.

I no even look, just use reflex—na old picture frame my hand jam. I fling am, sharp sharp.

Picture frame jam door, glass scatter everywhere.

The thing land for the old wooden door, kpash! Glass break, scatter for ground. Everywhere quiet, like say spirit enter the room.

The cockroach just dey there, nothing do am, still dey for ground.

The stubborn insect still dey, dey clean him antenna, like say na me be the wahala for the room. I eye am, my heart dey do gbim gbim.

Fear catch me, I begin cry, my leg just weak. Jesu Christi, abeg, make this cockroach no enter my cloth.

My mouth open, tears start dey flow again. I no sabi why ordinary cockroach dey worry me like this, but my leg don jelly, I nearly fall. Na only God know why cockroach dey fear me pass masquerade. Maybe na village people dey use dem.

As if na sign, Chidi push door enter. Him eyes first see the mess, then land for my face. Him lips press together like person wey dey hold bad word.

Him wife dey cry, and our wedding photo don break finish.

He pause, look the scattered photo, the broken frame, the glass for ground. The only thing wey remain na one half of our wedding picture—my smile for the photo look awkward for the broken glass.

He bend pick the photo from ground, him hair cover him face small, so I no too see as him dey look.

The way he squat, his hair fall for his forehead. I try see his eye, but shadow cover am.

He press him lips. "You still dey do drama?"

His voice low, not loud—like man wey don tire but still dey try hold himself.

"No..."

I wan explain, na so red warning flash for my eye.

I open mouth, wan yarn small, but fear grip me. For my mind, I dey see red alert: abeg, no spoil script.

My throat just tight, no sound wan come out.

The words just stick. My tongue heavy, like person wey swallow garri without water.

I force myself change my tone: "Hmph."

I try form small attitude, raise nose, pretend say na pride dey worry me.

Chidi hold the photo tight. "You cheat finish, still dey form innocent? You wan scatter the whole house before you go rest?"

His voice carry weight, like old generator wey dey cough. The warning for his eye strong—no love inside, just hard wall.

He look me with cold eye—no love, just warning.

As I see the way he look me, I swallow spit. The room cold pass before.

I wan talk, but my voice just hang for throat again.

I try again, open mouth, but nothing come out.

After I try tire, I realise say I no fit explain; na to continue the role and follow the story.

Na so I surrender. Make I just do as script talk, before wahala pass this level.

As I face am, fear dey catch me.

I no fit look am eye straight—my own eye dey run everywhere. If to say na my mama, she go talk say, "Na fear dey make goat run pass hunter."

Chidi na mechanic, just finish work. Him black singlet don wash sotey e fade, but you go still see say him get better muscle. Him sweatpants just dey hang for waist anyhow. Men wey dey do hand work like am dey always strong, muscle just full everywhere.

Him body dey shine small from sweat. The singlet cling to his chest, you fit see every curve. If e enter street fight, he fit carry two tyre for hand.

Compared to am, I be like small pikin.

My own hand slim, skin fair like bottled milk, nothing to show say I fit stand anybody for fight. Even my voice dey shake small as I try gather myself.

I gather courage talk: "No be only my fault. Why you dey do me like say I kill person?"

I cross my arm, try raise small gra-gra, but my voice still dey tremble.

Chidi just grit him teeth, vex dey show for face.

He squeeze lips together, the vein for him neck show small. The way he look me, I know say wahala dey cook.

"So tell me, who cause am if no be you?"

He talk am slow, one word after the other.

Each word heavy, land for ground like stone. He no raise voice, but e bite more than shouting.

As I see as him face be, fear catch me—like say if I talk rubbish, he fit slap me.

My mind dey run. I dey measure my word well, make I no say wetin go turn to real fight. Na only God fit save person from mechanic vex.

After my brain run round, I try defend myself: "Na him first dey toast me."

I point finger, my mouth sharp, but I dey shake inside.

Chidi freeze, like say the thing shock am.

His body stiff, eyebrow lift. He look me like say he dey calculate whether to believe me or not.

"You still get hand for am."

His voice come down, almost whisper.

He raise eyebrow. "Ehn?"

He wan hear me well. The frown for his face deep, eyes dey sharp.

"You marry fine wife like me, but you no dey house. If person go fall, na your wife go fall first."

I pout, twist mouth, try form small victim. I bend my head, voice soft like bread.

Chidi just laugh, the laugh no get joy. "You no sabi road at all—see as you dey behave."

He let out that kind dry laugh, the one wey mean say e no believe you but e no want fight.

He know say na me run follow the fine boy come house. But e be like say him no wan drag the matter.

He just dey look me, the old wound still dey fresh for him face. But e no drag fight, maybe e don tire.

He pack the photo, warn me: "If I catch you with am again, you no go waka anywhere."

He bend, pick all the pieces, careful with my feet. He talk low, but the warning clear: if I misbehave again, wahala go land.

After small silence, he add, "Today, stay house. No dey waka up and down."

His voice come out strong, no room for argument. I know say if I try, he fit lock door, throw key for gutter.

I shake head quick.

I shake head like agama lizard, even swear for my mind say today na only sleep and food.

You no know when cockroach go fly come again—or rat go run pass door. I no fit live with them.

My skin prickly, eyes dey find shadow. If not cockroach, e fit be rat. For this compound, na all animal dem dey. Sometimes, I fit hear lizard for ceiling or smell that sharp scent of kerosene from neighbour room.

Chidi face strong. "You wan go meet am, abi?"

His eyes scan me, like say he dey read my mind. The muscle for his arm flex again.

Na that time the cockroach move, fear grip me, I hide behind Chidi, my voice dey shake with tears.

The cockroach run small, my mind scatter. I grab Chidi singlet from back, my tears dey threaten to fall again.

"Abeg no go, I dey fear."

My voice low, almost whisper. If I let am go, na me and the cockroach go dey battle.

Cockroach too plenty for crowded Ajegunle.

This Ajegunle, everywhere just dey crowded. If you open window, na cockroach; open cupboard, na rat. No be say person fit relax.

Chidi surprise say I dey fear.

He pause, eye me for one corner. For his mind, maybe he dey think say na drama.

He try talk soft, which no be him way. "Na just cockroach. Chase am commot."

His voice calm, as if to say ordinary cockroach na small thing. But me, I know my fear no be ordinary.

But I stand my ground. "Abeg, move us go new place."

I bite my lip, beg with eyes, voice soft as indomie. I dey try use my feminine power.

Chidi no talk.

He just dey look me, eyes far away. E be like say he dey calculate how much money remain.

We just reach Ajegunle to hustle—better place no dey our level now.

For this city, na only people wey get connection dey live for fine place. Me sef know, but my mouth no gree rest.

I change style, look up at am with puppy eye, but still try act polite: "Hello, husband, abeg, fit we move go another place?"

I put small sugar for my voice, twist mouth like small pikin wey dey beg for sweet. My hand rub my eye, try make my face innocent.

The original me dey always call am full name, dey do like say he owe am. But me, I call am husband, and Chidi shock.

Chidi eye blink, surprise show for him face. For his mind, maybe he dey wonder if I drink holy water overnight.

Afraid say he go refuse, my head blank, I just drop the threat from the novel:

I no even think, I just throw the line, make e land where e fit.

"If you no gree, I fit just pack my load—no look back!"

The way I talk am, na like say divorce na next bus stop, like I go just pack my load waka.

He narrow him eye, cut me short: "Better reason well before you talk that one."

His voice sharp. He turn, look me up and down, like say he dey measure if I fit survive without am.

Fear catch me, I close mouth sharp—come whisper: "Sorry, husband."

I lower my head, voice soft like I dey pray. My hand grip his shirt, fingers small and shaky.

I gently pull him shirt, my fair hand dey wave for him front.

I use the tip of my finger draw small circle for his shirt, just to make the mood light.

Chidi just sigh, lower him head:

He rub his head, sigh long like tyre wey dey leak air. The worry show for his face.

"Tomorrow I—"

I give am one strong eye, my eye shine with tears. "No. Now now."

My lips pout, tears dey roll again. I no wan hear tomorrow story. If e no happen today, na lie.

He mumble, like say na himself him dey talk to, "You stubborn like cat."

I no hear well, so I tilt my head look am.

I bend neck, try catch his words. E be like say wahala dey sweet him small.

He just click him tongue. "I no fit do anything for your matter."

He spread both hand, surrender. I fit see small smile for his mouth, but he hide am quick.