Chapter 2: Gist for the Streets

I use the whole afternoon arrange my head.

As I waka inside my flat, I just dey pace up and down. My mind dey do press-up. I try reason am—how my life waka reach this place? From big babe to side character—like person wey chop jollof last for party, dem no go even remember to serve meat—just like that?

Na that time I realize—the world wey I dey na real sweet romance novel.

The thing shock me. All the clues dey, but I no see am before. If to say na Nollywood film, I for shout "cut!" make director explain how I enter this kain wahala.

Halima be the heroine. Me, na the wicked female supporting character, wey dey do all the bad things and go end up locked by the second male lead.

E pain me as I reason am. Since I no be heroine, wetin I go do again? Na all those supporting roles wey dem dey pity sometimes, but last last, everybody go forget them.

No wonder anybody wey near Halima, go just dey drawn to her, like say she be sun.

The girl na pure magnet. E resemble those times for secondary school when new JAMBite dey shine pass all of us. Anything she touch, e go work. I no fit compete.

Omo, the thing choke.

I feel am deep—like garri wey soak pass limit, e just dey heavy for my belle. If not for pride, I for cry that day.

After I baff that night, I open my phone to relax, na so negative comments begin fly everywhere.

I sit down for bed, towel still for my body, phone dey my hand, just dey watch as my WhatsApp and Twitter dey blow up. People dey talk anyhow. If I say make I count insults, I for don rich million.

My WhatsApp just full. People everywhere dey defend Halima.

Friends, old classmates, even people wey I no sabi, all dey post quotes about forgiveness and true love. For my mind, I dey think: these people sef, dem no get work?

My childhood friend, Seyi, send WhatsApp message:

[Ada, no think say I no sabi—you just wan use all these dirty moves make I leave Hali come back to you.]

[Heh, all this drama just to see me? No wahala, Friday afternoon, same place.]

His words get that kin fake humility wey dey bite pass pepper. Seyi, with him fresh boy swag, always get one leg for my matter. The kain guy wey fit switch from "bro" to "babe" under five seconds.

I no answer am, just block am, off my phone.

I remember when we dey play suwe for compound, now na block button I dey press. Na so I press block, heart still dey beat. Na old Ada for answer, drag am small, maybe even try win am back. But I don tire. Me sef need peace. I off my phone, throw am for bed.

Messages dey rush:

[No be to defend her, but this female supporting character wickedness no be from nowhere. Proud, self-loving rich babe—one night, her parents, boyfriend, friends, all just act like say dem no know her again, carry another girl matter for head. If na me, I go craze.]

[This female supporting character fine, get money—why she go dey lose to heroine wey no sabi difference between Word and WPS? This novel sef no balance...]

[If na me write am, I go slap the crazy heroine, slap the crazy male lead two times, lock the villainess and yandere second male for basement till dem born eight pikin—how e go be?]

...

No good at all.

The words dey slap me left and right. I no fit argue—maybe dem dey right. All my plans backfire, na only wahala I dey gather. I just bury face for pillow.

After I calm, I wan sleep, just remove my bra—

Sleep no even reach my eye before wahala show. As I unclasp bra, na so breeze blow enter room, goosebumps full my hand.

Bedroom door fly open.

Na so door just burst open, make kpa! I jump like say dem pour cold water for my body.

Olumide eyes scan me from up to down.

Na the kain look wey dey melt stone. E carry heat, but e still dey calm. Olumide dey eye me with those eyes—like say e dey judge me and himself together.

I quick grab my wrapper, wear am.

Sharp sharp, before anybody go talk, I don tie wrapper like old mama, dey hide my chest. I mutter one quick, low prayer: 'God abeg, make this man no see finish.'

"Sorry, you no lock door."

His voice dey gentle, but I no trust am. For this our kind of marriage, na "sorry" dey lead to trouble sometimes.

Olumide dey look me, Adam's apple just dey move, small black scales dey shine for him skin.

If succubus dey aroused, e true form go show small...

The scales for him neck shine like fresh ugu leaf after rain. That shine for his neck and shoulder, I never really notice am before. I dey wonder if na torchlight or na real scale dey flash.

"Comot," just dey my mouth—

For my head, I dey ready drop that word, but I freeze as I see him dey watch me—like cat wey dey stalk rat.

Then I see message:

[I sure say the female supporting character wan talk 'comot' with that her vex face. See as she fine, why she dey use her hand find wahala? The second male love just dey die small small.]

[Ada, try soft small for your husband! If you slap am now, you go pay for am for basement later—chapped lips dey pain, you hear?]

I gree, quick change my tone, give Olumide small smile:

I swallow pride, smile small, even force dimple for cheek. For Naija, dem talk say respect dey enter with smile. Na now I remember am.

"No wahala, hus—"

My mouth just jam on top 'hus', tongue dey twist. Olumide face no change, but I know say he dey notice everything. I dey blame myself—this one na all those romance novel fans for internet dey confuse me.

Olumide wey wan waka comot, just pause, eye deep, dey wait make I finish.

The man pause, gimme that kind look wey senior dey give junior for family meeting. He dey wait. Small tension dey hang for air like heat for NEPA blackout.

Tsk, na all those messages wey dey call am 'hubby' just now confuse me. Even me don dey mix up...

I dey ask myself, since when I start to dey see this kain drama for my own head? Na internet wahala. My mouth dey run faster than my head these days.

[I dey craze! Talk am now! Just call am 'hubby' and he go give you him life. Heroine no be anything.]

[Abeg, make una no dey make second male look so pitiful. Three years of cold treatment, he suppose hate the female supporting character pass as he love her. No forget, he lock her to protect the heroine.]

The messages just dey argue.

The whole place just dey hot, tension dey thick. Even the invisible audience for my head dey yarn, dey quarrel. I almost laugh out.

I raise eyebrow. Out of curiosity, I decide to test am:

Time to see if all those stories get small truth. My wahala self never dey finish, so I go try am.

"Olumide, I fine so?"

I flip my hair small, try channel all those Instagram babes wey dey make boys lose guard. My wrapper sef no gree co-operate, but I manage.

"Average." He just drop eye, voice cold, no way to read am.

If e shock me before, I for shout. But Olumide get way wey e dey answer—always dey form iron man, even when e dey shake. But for my mind, I dey see as e try hold himself.

[See as he dey form! With mouth like this, na why female supporting character dey pine for male lead even after marry you. She sef deserve am.]

[I wake up for wrong world? Why e be like say female supporting character no dey vex for second male today? Our villain couple fans dey enjoy o!]

I no gree, step forward, tease am: 'I fine reach to scatter Lagos, you no dey see?'

I step close, wag finger like say I get gist. E shock am small, but Olumide still hold face.

"No need to look." Olumide talk coldly, but I see as him finger curl, knuckle don pink, trouser seam wan burst.

His body dey betray am, even though e dey try package. Na Lagos men style—talk one thing, eye dey tell another. E dey sweet me to catch am like this.

How I no notice before—this man shy face dey cute die.

For the first time, I notice small colour for him cheek. See as CEO dey blush, e sweet me. Na so I reason say all those hard men for street, na soft yansh dem get for inside.

I see say him collar bend, I reach to adjust am.

Na reflex. For Yoruba tradition, if cloth no sit well, e dey mean trouble. I dey try help am, but Olumide just stiff.

"No touch." Him cold, low warning just land for my head.

Chai, see as cold breeze blow me. E shock me, but I just bone. The tone heavy, like say e fit break bone. My hand hang for air, I just freeze. E shock me, but na lesson I collect.

So harsh.

Na so my body cold. My head dey buzz—no be everybody dey like touch, I suppose know.

I freeze, remember the messages.

I just recall say all those talk for my head, dem dey reason am from their own angle. Me, I suppose look face, read body. This man no be toy, na real person.

True. For three years, I never talk am sweet word, but Halima dey always shine like sun, dey encourage am.

I dey reason say, maybe na so Halima dey win. Me, I dey act like Mama G for old film. All this while, I dey form hard babe, but soft talk dey win heart pass drama.

No wonder Olumide hate me.

E no be say hate true true, but coldness dey plenty. If to say I fit press small reset for this our wahala.

I laugh myself, withdraw my hand: "When you dey go, abeg close the door. I wan sleep."

I turn back, make e know say matter don close. For my mind, I just dey hope say this night go pass without drama.

He close door, but instead make he go, he just dey waka towards me.

E close door gently, but leg still dey my direction. The movement get weight. Na only for Nollywood dem dey waka like this—slow, heavy, eye full of fire.

Him breath don hot, eye red like say he dey hold something back.

If you look am, you go think say fever catch am. But this one pass fever—e be like say e dey fight battle inside him body.

Na that time I realise say wahala dey: "Olumide, wetin dey do you? You get fever?"

I no even know when my mouth talk am. The way e dey act, e be like person wey malaria dey finish.

Message:

[To talk true, na heat dey catch am... Second male, abeg no love too much! Female supporting character just dey play with you small, you don vex reach say your rut period come early.]

The message clear. My eye wide. If to say na home video, this one na where dem go zoom camera enter my face.

"Rut?" I talk to myself.

I repeat the word like say e go change. Rut? Three years, nobody tell me. Abi na spiritual something?

Three years wey I marry am, I never know say Olumide get rutting period?

This kain info dey enter Naija marriage? Me sef dey reason say I never hear am for church before.

Message: [Female supporting character no sabi anything. She dey think say second male na monk—abeg, na succubus he be! With your beauty, he just no fit force you.]

[For previous rut, Olumide go sneak with your pant, waka go early, never let you see.]

[Now wey I think am, those clothes don suffer, second male stamina na super.]

This one don pass my power. My own be say, as long as nobody dey disgrace me for street, make e dey alright.

I just dey look the messages like say na TV full of mosaics.

My brain dey turn—wetin all these spirits dey even talk? E be like say I dey inside Big Brother house, audience dey control my life.

So na because of rutting period he no want make I touch am?

Small light bulb flash for my head. The signs dey, but I just dey slow.

Olumide no fit hold again, bury him face for my neck, dey rub am up and down.

Outside, generator hum dey mix with frog croak, but inside, na only our heartbeat dey loud. The heat from his skin fit roast plantain. The way e hold me, no be play. For my ear, I fit hear his breath, heavy, hot.

Him pale skin don red, desire dey show, all that coldness don melt.

If I get camera, I for snap this moment. All the ice for his face don melt, na only fire remain.

Before, na Halima and how to win back Seyi just full my head, I no even look Olumide well.

Na now I dey notice say this man get fine jaw, correct lips. No be only Seyi fine pass—me too dey craze before, no see wetin dey my front.

I no know say this man fine pass Nollywood star.

If e enter movie, na him girls go dey print out picture put for their phone. I dey miss.