Chapter 3: Na Me Dey Mind

"Ifeoma, why you no wait for me this morning?"

Na so Musa burst enter class, him bag dey hang for one hand, eye red like say sleep jam am.

This morning, Musa late. After class, him come complain with vex, drop one bottle of Fura milk for my table.

Fura dey cold, sweat dey drip for body. Na my favorite, but I bone face. I no wan make am think say I dey weak.

My hand wey dey write vocab just pause. I look the milk from corner eye.

Inside, my heart dey jump. But I maintain.

"I don chop breakfast. From now, I no go dey walk come school with you again. I dey come school early."

I talk am as e be, no sugar coat. Make am no dey get hope.

Musa sit down near me, him no understand wetin dey happen. Him rest head for hand, dey look me: "I offend you? Before nko, we dey come together."

Him eye dey search my face, but I just look my book. Make I no melt.

"E don change." I drop pen, take deep breath, smile for am, talk: "You get girlfriend now. Make we give space."

My smile tight, but e no reach heart. The pain dey choke, but I gats stand firm.

As I finish, him face just stiff, then him talk: "She no go mind. She sabi..."

He dey try beg, but I no want hear. This one pass me.

"Na me dey mind."

I talk am clear: "I no wan be person wey dem go blame if wahala burst for your relationship."

I no wan cause fight for Halima side. E no good.

"Ifeoma..."

Him voice dey beg, but my mind strong. I no go let am shake me.

Musa get hot temper, no too get patience. For am to dey talk like this, e mean say him patience don finish.

I dey see am for him hand, the way e dey tap table small small. I sabi am reach root.

Na so him face cold, just stand up.

E no talk again, just bone, face hard.

Chair drag for ground, him waka comot drop last word:

The sound loud, everybody look up. I just lower my head.

"Do as you like."

For my mind, I dey pray make my heart no burst.

I lower my head, close my eye.

I close eye, try calm my breath. If I let tears drop, my own don spoil.

Yesterday night, I sit for balcony all night dey think. Make I still dey act like mumu dey like am, dey follow am up and down?

Mosquito bite me well well, but I no fit leave. My mind dey fight, body dey cold.

Or make our childhood story end here?

Sometimes, end better pass dragging fake friendship.

Dem dey talk say person wey like you, e go show for him eye. If I continue dey follow am, no good for me or Halima.

Person no dey force love, na so mama dey always talk. I remember her voice as I dey reason for balcony.

No girl go want make her boyfriend get one kind close female friend.

If na me, I go feel somehow too. Make I respect myself.

After that day, Musa no talk to me again. Even if we jam for corridor, him waka pass like say I no exist.

E pain me, but I dey hide am. School na place wey gossip dey fly.

The girl wey dey beside am now na Halima. Na her him introduce give all him padi.

For compound, even teachers dey notice. Halima dey shine everywhere.

Halima na him first love, the girl wey him really like.

Dem dey waka together, dey laugh. I dey look from far, but I bone.

I just focus on my book, dey hear others dey talk about their love matter.

Sometimes I go hear their laughter for window, e dey bite me small, but I gats focus.

Because of dance, Halima dey hungry for night sotay her belle dey pain am. Next day, she go bring tuwo and miyan kuka wey her mama prepare. The food dey smell nice. Some girls dey ask for small. Halima dey always share.

One sports boy from another school like Halima well. Few days ago, after school, he block her for one corner. I hear say Musa beat am scatter.

Dem talk say fight reach principal office. Musa no dey play with person wey him love.

This monthly exam, I carry first for class.

I smile small. Na the only thing wey dey give me joy now.

Teacher once tell me make I no worry about Musa, else e go affect my result.

"Focus on your book, Ifeoma. Boys matter no go carry you reach university." I dey hear her voice for my dream.

Musa family get money, so book no too mean anything for am.

E no dey stress. Anything him want, him papa dey provide.

After school, I just dey look sunset from window, dey think.

Na so orange light dey scatter for sky, my heart dey calm small.

"Ifeoma, which university you wan enter for future?"

Musa dey beside me for bench, dey wait answer like say na exam.

For one hot evening, Musa sit near me, dey use him long finger play with my hair.

The breeze soft, but e get as him hand dey tickle my ear.

I answer sharp: "Makurdi University."

I talk am with all my heart. Na the only plan wey I get.

"That place far o."

Him voice low, but e dey carry weight. E be like say e dey reason my matter.

But I never tell am say I wan go Makurdi not just because na big school, but to run from this place, run from that house.

Sometimes, home dey choke. Makurdi na my escape.

My papa, like most men, change after him get money. My mama refuse divorce, dey believe say papa dey misbehave because she no born boy.

Wetin no fit happen for Naija? My mama pray, fast, sow seed, but papa just dey waka.

For night, she go dey point me dey cry, dey ask why I no be boy. Say if na boy, papa no go cheat.

Her tears dey pain me pass slap. I go just hold her, but I no fit do anything.

Later, she born boy true true.

The day my small bro enter house, mama dance skelewu, call pastor. Everybody dey happy, but I dey lonely.

Papa just come house small time. Mama, with my small bro, pour all her love give am.

E be like say my own don finish. Only my shadow dey talk to me.

She feel say she don get person wey go take care of am for old age.

I dey see the way she dey pamper my brother. Sometimes, I wish say I be boy.

"Hmm... Then I go apply Makurdi too. You no too sharp—if I no dey protect you, who know how you go take survive."

Him laugh dey sweet, but e dey make my heart cut. E dey form big brother, but I sabi say e dey care.

The boy wey dey form for my front na the light for my broken days. I really wan hold that light tight.

Even for hard days, just to see Musa smile dey heal me. My joy dey tied to am.

So I use all my time for am. Even if I no fit enter Makurdi, as long as I dey same school with am, e dey okay for me.

My mind no strong, but I gats endure. Na the only hope wey I get.