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I Chopped Life, My Bestie Died Twice / Chapter 2: Three Years No Be Beans
I Chopped Life, My Bestie Died Twice

I Chopped Life, My Bestie Died Twice

Author: Lawrence Johnson


Chapter 2: Three Years No Be Beans

Abuja breeze dey blow, but the sun still dey show stubborn face for night.

Me and my guy hustle for three years. One raise the fallen villainess become superstar wey everybody dey hail. The other help the quiet, autistic physics genius turn rising tech star.

No be small work o! From grinding for studio nights with Ifunanya, to chasing university grants for Morayo, we turn coach, manager, even small therapist join. If na Naija film, na award-winning supporting actors we be.

Night before our strategy wan reach 100%—wey mean say we go fit stay for this world—the male lead show. In one night, everything we build just scatter. Three years work, all vanish.

That kain thing fit make grown man cry. Guy, even my slippers dey pity for my feet as all our plans just collapse.

After night come, na so blue fireworks burst for Abuja, scatter like stars for sky.

Abuja people no dey carry last. Everywhere blue, people dey hail like say na festival.

"Na Ifunanya do those ones," Chuka talk as he sit for bridge railing, dey sip cheap ogogoro, dey gist with me about the world.

The ogogoro dey hot for throat, but the wahala for mind pass am. Chuka just dey look the sky as if answer dey inside that fireworks.

"I tell am say blue fireworks na for love confession, she still go set am for another person."

He shake head. You know as some people dey get coconut head, Ifunanya na one of dem.

He look me, "Why your Morayo no set fireworks?"

I just put my hands for pocket. "I block am. How I wan take know?"

If I no block her, na another emotional wahala go start. You know say girls like Morayo dey reason deep; if e pain her, e go pain everybody.

The system alarm dey ring for our head since, dey warn say our mission dey about fail. One more hour, e go force us go house.

E be like when NEPA wan take light—you dey wait the moment darkness go drop.

After three years for this strange world, the thought say we go return to those suffer-suffer early morning classes just dey make me and Chuka weak.

Na so I dey remember the hunger for school, the wahala wey dey pursue you like village masquerade. To go back? Lai lai.

Suddenly, phone ring cut the night. MTN dey flash for screen, Ifunanya number.

Everybody know say if woman call you late for night, na either wahala or heartbreak dey follow.

He answer sharp sharp, "Ifunanya, at least you still get small conscience—"

Na sharp guy, still dey expect small apology. But na Naija story, nothing dey straight.

But no be Ifunanya voice. Na one man, proud and carefree. "Na Chuka be this? I be Tobi. Ifunanya dey baff. I wan yarn you something. Just now, I knack your photo for ground—well, na on purpose. Now wey I don come back, your photo no need hang for here again."

The insult choke. Na every heartbreak dey start with another man voice for midnight call. That kain midnight call fit turn strong man to mumu.

One kind moan come from the phone. "Brother Tobi, abeg na, I no fit again..."

Na so e be. All these slay queens.

Chuka just burst, "Wetin be this? Una dey craze?"

Him voice even shake. If na me, I for don smash phone. His voice crack, like person wey don shout for Oshodi bus stop.

Suddenly, Ifunanya enter call. The sweet girl wey dey call am 'brother' before, now talk with cold voice. "No dey shout for Brother Tobi."

The switch quick, e shock me. From sweet to pepper soup. E be like film trick.

All these years, I see how Chuka try for Ifunanya. When she no get food or cloth, he dey work eight jobs. When she turn superstar start national tour, Chuka fit rest small. Now, na so Ifunanya dey talk to am.

I swear, Naija hustle no dey pay sometimes. You fit suffer, the person go still forget you once e see small fame.

Chuka just hiss, "Ifunanya, I tell you say you be my target. If I fail, I go disappear for this world."

The kind frustration wey dey voice fit melt garri.

"Okay, disappear then," Ifunanya answer, her voice just dey proud and careless. "I no force you chase me."

Women! Dem go just finish you with one sentence. E pain, but na life.

Phone screen go dark—Ifunanya don cut call.

No wahala, na so love dey finish for Naija story.

Wind dey blow for the elephant grass. Chuka just waka comot bridge. "I no dey play again. Make we go house?"

You know say when man don tire, na to carry him load go home remain.

I talk, "If you go, I go follow you go."

That kind loyalty wey dey sweet for inside, even if e dey break you small.

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