Chapter 3: Setup and Survival in Lagos

For the new company, I rush go see general manager, wan understand their plan and how dem dey run sales.

I iron my native, spray small Fanta perfume—make dem know say new sheriff don land. I dress sharp, even use new perfume. I reach office early, dey expect big strategy session. My head dey swell with ideas.

But the general manager tell me make I relax, say make I just dey observe the place first.

Oga just dey smile like tortoise, dey sip coffee. E talk say, 'Relax, make you just dey observe.' I begin dey suspect—person wey dey rush you before, now dey ask you chill.

I try talk to some marketing managers. Dem just dey dodge, no wan yarn anything about handover.

Anytime I wan gist, dem go say dem dey go meeting, or dey pick call. One even say him dey go mosque, but come back two hours later. E dey clear say dem no wan involve me.

E clear say dem no wan relate with me, the new marketing director.

For Lagos, if new director come and old people begin run from am, just know say your matter don dey somehow. My mind begin dey turn.

As I dey notice say something dey off, HR call me: “You no pass probation. Your labour contract don end immediately. We go pay you two months’ salary, as law talk.”

Na so dem burst my bubble. I never chop jollof for company party, dem don give me letter. Na only for Naija you go see this kind magic.

I shock. I never even start work, how I take fail probation?

I dey look my letter, dey read am like person wey dey read WAEC result. My hand dey shake. I dey calculate rent for my head.

I wan go ask general manager wetin happen, but HR manager just cut me off:

“Mr. Ebuka, no need. E no go change anything. We no plan keep you. Na Chairman Ifedike and him people we dey help.” HR wave hand, face like person wey no get time. “Abeg, pack your things sharp-sharp, make you no block corridor.”

Na that time my eye open. Ifedike and pikin don set me up from day one. E pain me reach bone. I just bone, dey package myself.

So, na Ifedike Chukwuma and him pikin handiwork. Wicked people.

I just dey look ceiling. For my mind I dey swear, say dem go see my true color. This life, people fit surprise you. I no let tears drop, but my chest dey burn.

No need talk too much. This company na just their helper, but I no get proof. Two months’ pay dey okay.

If I talk too much, e go be like say I dey beg. I just carry my small Ghana-must-go bag, arrange my file. For Naija, if you no get power, no talk too much.

I pack my load, go house.

For bus stop, I just buy gala and La Casera, dey reflect. Danfo horn dey blast for my ear, conductor dey shout "Ojuelegba!", but my mind dey far. Some keke driver even hail me, 'Oga, you look worried.' I just wave, continue my waka.

For house, I call old Chairman Ifedike: “Chairman Ifedike, you try. You think say na so you go just push me out?”

My voice steady, but inside I dey boil. E pick call sharp-sharp, but voice dey fake cool.

Ifedike pretend like say e no know, even dey joke: “No put am for my head o. Na you resign. Your letter still dey my hand.”

E laugh like say na comedy, but I just dey listen. For this Lagos, person fit laugh you enter wahala.

I no even get energy argue. People like am no dey hear word until e reach grave. “Chairman Ifedike, you know say I dey obey law, and I no like bad thing. If person dey chop government money, no dey pay tax, I no fit just siddon look.”

I begin dey remind am all the things wey we see together—tax wahala, backdoor runs. I dey code am, but e know wetin I mean.

After following am for over ten years, I sabi all him backdoor runs.

We dey run things together, so if e think say e go use style clean me out, e dey joke. For Naija, everybody get file.

True to form, my threat land. Ifedike quiet for small time, then ask, “Wetin you want?”

E no talk am loud, just like person wey dey check if snake dey under chair. He sabi say e no fit just sweep me.

No need guess—he dey record the call.

For my mind, I dey laugh. E no new for us—corporate Naija, everybody dey tape everybody. If dem catch you, na your wahala.

“Nothing. I just wan dey law-abiding.”

I dey make am clear say I no wan wahala. For this Lagos, na only law dey protect man. But inside, I dey calculate.

“We all sabi the game. Talk your price. Make we no waste time.”

The man dey try use short cut—settle me and end matter. But my head dey sharp, I no wan fall for trap.

“Chairman Ifedike, abeg, no try all these tricks for me.”

I warn am, make e no set me up. This one no be time for long story. I sabi him tricks, and he sabi say I no be mumu.

Ifedike pause, then say, “Okay, Ebuka. I dey step aside too. Tomorrow, talk to Mallam Michael.”

That one na code. Mallam Michael na compliance, he go arrange meeting with young Mr. Somtochukwu. I just nod, dey ready.

Young Mr. Somtochukwu go dey there with am, dem don plan how to handle me.

For my mind, I dey rehearse everything. I go reach there with my lawyer, even carry pen and recorder. I dey ready for anything.

No wahala, I go meet una. I no dey fear any small boy.

As my wife talk, 'Na who no get hand dem dey push anyhow.' I prepare myself, arrange my suit, dey ready for battle.

We arrange to meet next day for private restaurant room.

I no sleep well that night. I just dey pray, dey pace for parlour. My children dey look me, dey ask, 'Daddy, you dey travel?' I just nod. Lagos life no easy.