Chapter 5: Tears, Confessions, and New Beginnings

For late dry season night, my small room dey hot. Sleep no gree me, I go baff again. As I reach my room, stone hit window.

The air dey thick, fan no dey work. I dey fan myself with old exercise book. Suddenly, I hear gbim for window. My heart jump.

I sharply sit up, hold small knife wey dey under my pillow. I no on light, tiptoe go window, open curtain small, peep down.

We dey use sense for my area. For Naija, you gats dey sharp—thief fit come anytime. I peep, dey pray say no be wahala.

Streetlight shine for the narrow, rough street. Tobi, wey no suppose enter this kind area, dey stand for there. Light just dey show him tall body, fine face dey blur.

My mouth open small. See as big man dey risk him shoe for this our ghetto, all because of me.

I hold curtain tight. My chest dey heavy. Tobi bend, pick another stone, wan throw. I open curtain wide, push window.

My hand dey shake. I dey wonder wetin go happen now.

Tobi see me, stop. Next thing, he turn, dey waka go.

I no think am. I throw jacket, rush go out. My mama dey next room, dey snore. I open iron door gentle, run go downstairs.

My leg dey shake, I dey tiptoe. The floor cold. I dey pray say make my mama no wake.

Tobi never waka far. He dey road, dey smoke. As he hear footsteps, he turn, look me, then crush cigarette, waka ahead.

I dey wonder wetin I go talk. No be him dump me? But my heart dey beat fast, I dey hope say e mean something.

I bite lip. Funny thought enter my mind—Tobi dey vex for me? Na him dump me. Now he dey craze for outside my house midnight.

My mind dey run. Wetin if I fit use am solve my wahala? E go pain me, but e go help my mama.

My heart start beat fast. If na true… e go favour me. Maybe I fit use Tobi solve my family wahala once.

I dey plan as I dey waka. Na so we dey survive for this country, brain dey sharp like blade.

That family always want make I marry their son as punishment, take care of their pikin wey no fit walk, even born for am.

I sigh, remember the wahala. But as I see Tobi, hope still dey my heart.

But after small time, I arrange myself. Simi, no dull. No forget why you start.

For Naija, you gats dey sharp. No allow love carry your sense go village.

I breathe deep, rush meet am. For dark street, I hug Tobi from back.

My tears soak him shirt, but e smell like expensive cologne and sweat.

The street quiet. Generator noise far. Only my sob dey ring for air.

First, Tobi wan push me. Him body stiff, muscle hard. But as my tears soak him shirt, him mind change.

E sigh, touch my hand. Sometimes, even hard man go melt when woman cry.

"Why you dey cry?"

He turn, hold my chin, make me look am. But I just dey cry, dey look down.

My hand dey cold. The night air dey blow. E pain me, but I no fit stop.

"You get mind dey cry?"

Tobi wipe my tears rough. "You block my number—no be you dey form hard girl, Simi?"

His voice dey shake small. For inside, I fit feel say him pain dey real.

Na then I lift my wet lashes. I look am, no shift eye, make him see the tears for my eye.

I breathe deep, try hold back the sob. The light from street dey shine for Tobi face, make am look like hero for Yoruba film.

"Tobi."

My voice low, don crack.

My throat dey pain me. I gats use all my strength talk am.

"I think... you no want me again. You sabi how I manage these days? Every night I dey think of you, miss you till I dey cry, sleep no gree me."

My chest dey rise, fall. I dey talk true. For this Lagos, na only love dey carry person mind sometimes.

"So why you block my number?" Tobi frown, but e voice soft.

I dey look ground. "Na you break up, block me for WhatsApp. I think say... you tire for me. No want make I disturb you. I really feel am, Tobi. But I no wan make you hate me more, so I just disappear..."

Na small voice I use, but I talk my mind.

Tobi laugh small, like say e no fit vex again. "You sure say you like me?"

"Mm."

I nod like pikin wey dem catch with sweet. Na the only answer I fit give.

"How much? I no dey see am."

"Plenty, plenty... reach where I no fit live without you."

My hand dey shake as I talk am. E pain me say I dey open up like this.

"Why you like me?"

"I don dey like you since the first time I see you. Later, as I dey help my mama for shop, some boys wan disturb me, na you pass, help me."

That day still dey my mind. For our side, na small thing, but for me, e mean plenty.

I look Tobi, my eyes dey shine even as I dey cry. The boy gree. That eye na love eye. Since I meet Tobi, I don practise that look well.

I dey hope say e go see say my own dey true. Love for Naija no dey easy to show.

"You be my first man, Tobi."

I hold his hand soft, put am for my chest. "For life... na you I choose. No leave me, abeg."

The air dey thick. I dey pray say e go believe me.

I look inside his eye, full of love wey dey burn. For person like am, even that one na big thing.

I dey try give am hope. For Naija, love dey hard, but if you find am, you go hold am tight.

"Simi, I never leave you. I dey miss you since."

I fit see say his own pain deep too. Sometimes, even big man heart dey break.

I know say all this 'miss you' na just talk. Na only desire dey there. But for me, e still mean same thing. Because every night I no fit sleep, na him I dey think. That feeling of deep love, after am sleep go just carry me. He better pass any medicine for sleep or depression.

The night wey you find person wey understand your pain, na blessing. Na so my heart dey calm.

Tobi just dey hold me, no gree go. Say him wan follow me go my house. I no fit say no, so I carry am enter.

Na shame dey catch me small, but love dey carry me go.

For road, I warn am. "The place rough o, no fan, no private bathroom. You never stay for this kind place before."

I dey try save face, make e no shock when e see my room. But Tobi just dey smile.

"You too talk. If you fit stay here, me too I fit."

But as we climb go upstairs, open old door, Tobi eye show small disgust. But him still dey look everywhere with interest. Then he drag me go bed.

Na so Naija boy be—no matter where, if him want you, e no dey look side.

"Wetin you wear under?" He look my old cotton pyjamas, dey laugh. "Even our housegirl no dey dress like this."

He dey tease me, but my heart dey beat fast. Na so dem dey play for Naija. I just roll my eyes.

Tobi talk am, but him hand no stop. "But e get as e be—like small village babe."

He pull me sit for him lap, dey kiss me.

I dey blush. Even for this small room, I feel like queen.

"My mama dey next room..." I push am small. "You suppose go, Tobi."

"Wetin you dey talk? I never see you for more than one week, you dey send me away?"

He hold me tighter, as if he fit hide me from the world.

Then he lower head. I slowly raise hand, hug am. "Abeg, gentle. No loud. If you wake my mama, she go finish me."

I dey beg am with small voice. My fear dey real, but love dey strong.

I pinch am small. "Behave."

Tobi laugh, whisper for my ear, "No worry, I go gentle."

My bed small, dey make noise. Soon, Tobi tire, carry me from bed, press me for wall.

The wall dey cold, but his hand dey warm. For that moment, nothing else matter.

Tobi hold my waist, sweat full him forehead. I feel like say fireworks dey burst for my eye. This night different.

I dey pray say make time slow down, make the moment last.

"No do again, Tobi, I go faint..."

But Tobi eye just dey red. "Simi, you jazz me? Why I dey think of you every day?"

Na joke, but I dey laugh. For Naija, we dey use jazz joke when love dey strong.

I weakly push am. "Go house, e don late. Ball match dey two days time—remember bring water for me. I go teach you how to be boyfriend?"

I dey tease am too. Na so we dey flow.

I mumble, sleep carry me. Tobi kiss me again. He even get up, help clean me. But I too tired, eye no open. I hear am say, "Heartless small thing."

Na love wey dey raw. Even with wahala, I dey smile for inside.

But for Naija, love fit turn to wahala quick. I dey pray make my own no spoil.